I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
