I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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