So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
