i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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