she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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