i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This is the high leading the old right now
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
