I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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