And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
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Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
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Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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