Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
