Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
