I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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