Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
