So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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