im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
