I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
