Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
