I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
