The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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