If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
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I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
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Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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