You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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