Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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