We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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