Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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