We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We need to get me chipped asap
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
