our cab driver is having phone sex.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
