look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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