Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
