Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
