Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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