I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
