Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
