he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
