so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
