yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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