last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
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He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
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Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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