Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
