I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
