hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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