she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
