i think i have two assholes
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
