just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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