You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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