Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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