you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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