just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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