I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
how drunk are you?
Several
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
