In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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