I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We need to get me chipped asap
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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