no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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