I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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