So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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