can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Randomize
