I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize