just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
