I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
