Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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