My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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