Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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