Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
