i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
