running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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