I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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