who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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