Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
