Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
