I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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