ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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