Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
