Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
