don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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