So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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