OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
