life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
