Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
