I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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