dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
